Have you ever wanted to change your menu music in Smash Ultimate but then gave up due to the fact that it requires you to beat the sick joke of a campaign that is World of Light? Or maybe you want to brag to your friends about how you actually beat World of Light without wanting to throw your Nintendo Switch into a woodchipper or willingly break your own index finger because it would be a more fun experience than actually playing it. Or maybe perhaps you are one of the 4 people on planet Earth that actually care about collecting spirits. Well then we found just the right guy for you.
Meet 36 year old Paul Moffitt. He spends his time speedrunning through the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate campaign "World of Light" on other people's switches. He is what is known as a Freelance Completionist. They are hard to find but offer unmatched services on helping people get through tough missions, levels, and even campaigns of videogames for varying amounts of money. Paul is just one of a growing wave of these freelance completionists around the world doing everyone favors and unlocking what would otherwise take them hours or even days.
Here's how it works. You can either meet him in person and hand over your switch, mail him your switch, or have him come to your house (or a specified location) to complete the game in one long session with you, the customer, present. Paul in specific travels between different parts of the world but always returns to his home office in San Francisco, CA. There, his roommate/assistant who has asked to remain anonymous counts and labels each switch and copy of Smash Bros. And of course sometimes Paul is able to get a gathering noticed on Facebook, which attracts many people to certain locations like GameStop and Papa Johns
Unwashed masses lining up to hand over their Nintendo Switch to Paul Moffitt.
We reached out to Paul to ask some questions about his line of work:
How did you afford to live in San Francisco?
Paul: "My family gave me this studio apartment and told me to work for tech companies, they told me they would be happy if I just didn't become a bookie like my father in New York City."
How many people come to you for help on World of Light specifically each month?
Paul: "I get 100s of clients every month from all around the world, mostly in North America who are willing to pay top dollar for me to any% their save files. I'm also really good at Roblox tycoon games, but the feds were questioning me about scamming children, so I picked a game more played by teenagers, adults, and teenage adults."
Is being a completionist your passion?
Paul: "Not really, I've always wanted to become a Boston Shower tycoon. Every time I went to Boston, I would get congested by the sheer amount of body odor and air pollution from unwashed crevices of the native Bostonians. Think about it, public cheap to use showers out in the streets, there's a serious untapped market out there."
How do you enjoy yourself when not doing your job?
Paul: "I do either one of two things, I play The Subspace Emissary on Super Smash Bros. Brawl for my Wii. Or I go to my local Starbucks and sit around with my 2012 Macbook Pro watching videogamedunkey. Everything else in my life is just a cold dead void, or World of Light. The two are interchangable at this point."
Is it worth the money?
This is a screen that many smash players covet. But can be yours for as little as $44.99 per save file. Or $99.99 per 100% save file. Paul has explicitly stated that he will not be responsible for damages to your Nintendo Switch due to shipping nor lost game cartridges lost in a similar manner. So meeting him in person is the optimal way to use his service. The average run by Paul takes approximately 4 hours for any% and the whole day for 100%.
So is it worth it? We think so, and so do the thousands of customers satisfied by Paul Moffitt.